There are four different dimensions to Trust
Second part of "To Trust is to Risk" entry...
THE author Ravi Dykema has an excellent piece of advice for those who are thinking of getting into a serious relationship: “If you were about to get on a ship and you knew that there was a better than even chance it would sink, wouldn’t you interview the captain first? Wouldn’t you make sure the lifeboats were in shape and have a working life preserver with you just in case there was a disaster? The same is true of romantic relationships. If you know there’s one out of two chances that your marriage will end in divorce, then it makes sense to protect yourself financially, sexually and emotionally.”
That makes sense, but you might even decide to check out other ways of getting what you want (happiness). In short, romantic relationships, even the most solid ones, entail risks. The kind of risks you take will be based on your trust level. If your judgement is correct, you stand a better chance of winning in the end. If, on the other hand, you decide to throw the dice, you could end up a very unhappy person.
Understand that trust takes time. Even the wolf in sheep’s clothing can look good at first glance. First impressions can be very far from reality. All of us are quite good at hiding our true self. We have years of experience at covering what might turn others off and projecting the good that is in each of us. So, the longer you know a person, the better are the chances that your trust will be vindicated.
There are four different dimensions to trust. The first is perfect trust, which we give to our caregivers, our parents when we are little children. We trust them perfectly because we believe everything they tell us. We trust that what they do to us and for us will benefit us.
As we grow through childhood, however, we learn that those we trusted did not always keep our trust. There were times when our trust was betrayed. The perfect trust we exhibited as little children is gone. Now we move to a lower level of trust. It is called damaged trust. When those we love betray our trust by lying to us, withholding vital information, sending us mixed signals, refuse to negotiate with us and deal with us, in insincere and dishonest ways, our trust is damaged, but still intact.
When, however, a trusted one behaves in a totally unacceptable way, then our trust is broken. It is called a devastated trust. Devastated trust causes a serious crises. It creates a deeply hurtful wound that bleeds emotionally and threatens to completely destroy what was once a good relationship.
Under the right circumstances, devastated trust can be restored. Then it is called restored trust. It is always difficult to restore lost trust. The awful memories and excruciating emotional pain conspire against rebuilding a broken trust. If that fails, then it’s over forever. The relationship is something of the past.
THE author Ravi Dykema has an excellent piece of advice for those who are thinking of getting into a serious relationship: “If you were about to get on a ship and you knew that there was a better than even chance it would sink, wouldn’t you interview the captain first? Wouldn’t you make sure the lifeboats were in shape and have a working life preserver with you just in case there was a disaster? The same is true of romantic relationships. If you know there’s one out of two chances that your marriage will end in divorce, then it makes sense to protect yourself financially, sexually and emotionally.”
That makes sense, but you might even decide to check out other ways of getting what you want (happiness). In short, romantic relationships, even the most solid ones, entail risks. The kind of risks you take will be based on your trust level. If your judgement is correct, you stand a better chance of winning in the end. If, on the other hand, you decide to throw the dice, you could end up a very unhappy person.
Understand that trust takes time. Even the wolf in sheep’s clothing can look good at first glance. First impressions can be very far from reality. All of us are quite good at hiding our true self. We have years of experience at covering what might turn others off and projecting the good that is in each of us. So, the longer you know a person, the better are the chances that your trust will be vindicated.
There are four different dimensions to trust. The first is perfect trust, which we give to our caregivers, our parents when we are little children. We trust them perfectly because we believe everything they tell us. We trust that what they do to us and for us will benefit us.
As we grow through childhood, however, we learn that those we trusted did not always keep our trust. There were times when our trust was betrayed. The perfect trust we exhibited as little children is gone. Now we move to a lower level of trust. It is called damaged trust. When those we love betray our trust by lying to us, withholding vital information, sending us mixed signals, refuse to negotiate with us and deal with us, in insincere and dishonest ways, our trust is damaged, but still intact.
When, however, a trusted one behaves in a totally unacceptable way, then our trust is broken. It is called a devastated trust. Devastated trust causes a serious crises. It creates a deeply hurtful wound that bleeds emotionally and threatens to completely destroy what was once a good relationship.
Under the right circumstances, devastated trust can be restored. Then it is called restored trust. It is always difficult to restore lost trust. The awful memories and excruciating emotional pain conspire against rebuilding a broken trust. If that fails, then it’s over forever. The relationship is something of the past.
posted by Sheng at
9:33 PM
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